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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29694303">to be delicate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/winkun_au/pseuds/winkun_au'>winkun_au</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>((i literally made myself a checklist)), Canon Compliant, Character Study, M/M, Smut, author is desperate for top!changmin, i'm just tryna get bingo on the jukyu fic tropes card, perhaps this has some biting + size difference + mirror stuff 😳😳, we can have some kyunyu on the side. as a treat.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:36:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29694303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/winkun_au/pseuds/winkun_au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It drives him crazy, how easily he'd let Changmin ruin him. </p><p>(Juyeon wonders, sometimes, if Changmin's heartbeat runs faster than his, because of his size.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ji Changmin | Q/Lee Juyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to be delicate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>not me reviving a dead account just to expel some jukyu brainrot</p><p>proofreading this was a fucking odyssey. also, i'm sure i fucked up the korean suffixes/same-age nicknames at least twice</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27523732?view_adult=true">inspired by this fic! </a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It'll be a quiver of a thought. An itch. A buzz of electricity, running up his spine unadulterated. Perhaps sparked by summer heat, humidity lingering even as the rays of light cease to reflect off the practice room mirrors. Someone will have switched on a fan, a valiant-but-useless attempt. It's too late. The heat is trapped, and the thought will be trapped too. </p><p>Though the realization won't linger, it'll leave him flustered. It will come back. </p><p> </p><p>*** </p><p> </p><p>Practice is grueling. They go through the choreography countless times, and then some. Hundreds of steps, muscles taut and released, expressions checked. After the sun sets and their choreographer leaves, he and Changmin monitor. Again and again and again, until everyone has everything memorized and it looks cohesive enough. They'll finetune later, tomorrow. </p><p>It's during a break when it hits. The realization starts off as a question of curiosity. A competitive inquisition, wheedling its way into his sun-dried brain. </p><p>Changmin is still standing. </p><p>Juyeon finds himself staring. Not sure what he wants, just losing the fight against the inertia that keeps his exhausted legs spread out on the practice room floor. He's sitting up, back to the open door, shirt half-off to cool down. </p><p>And Changmin is still standing.</p><p>It registers that Changmin is calling for him. In one swoop of Juyeon's tired eyelids, Changmin is in front of him, offering a hand. There's a bead of sweat trailing down Changmin's neck. Slowly, slowly down the long expanse of skin until it sinks into his already-damp shirt. Juyeon closes his eyes, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding as Changmin pulls him up. Juyeon's hand envelops his. </p><p>"We're done for tonight," Changmin announces, "Let's go over the video and make corrections." </p><p>The second sentence is just for Juyeon, Changmin's voice softening. The others quickly shuffle out, eager to grab food or head home, tired limbs collapsing, unable to even make it beyond the living room couches.</p><p> </p><p>And together, Changmin and Juyeon sit by the door, pull the fan over, and go over the video eleven times, concentrating on a different member each time. Juyeon lies on his belly, relishing the feel of cold wood against his skin as he scribbles their notes on a tablet, drawing formation guides and jotting angle changes and noting timestamps, while Changmin stands and shows in the mirror the changes to be made. </p><p>They're both main dancers, and both lithe and athletic. They've been dancing together for so many years, so synchronized, so contrasted in their structures and styles. So why? </p><p>"How the hell do you still have energy?" Juyeon blurts. It catches Changmin by surprise, and he turns. There's nothing teasing or mischievous about his expression, just authenticity in his grin. </p><p>"Maybe my stamina's just better than yours." </p><p>"Ah-" Juyeon stammers, blinking. He very nearly misses how Changmin's eyes wander down. And it's the exhaustion that makes his thoughts run wild. Stamina. Stamina. Stamina. It must be, he reasons, the exhaustion and the heat and the hormones that make his pulse quicken. There's a certain warmth in his abdomen, or perhaps lower. The thought - the realization - manifests before Juyeon can choke it down - <em>he'd last longer than you.</em></p><p>Immediately, a wave of emotions wash over him. Embarrassment and guilt for thinking such a filthy thought of his team member, his dance partner, his friend. Juyeon swallows, closing in on himself. </p><p>He knows he has to respond before Changmin notices how tightly he holds himself, Changmin who so easily reads the changes in his body language. So Juyeon forces himself up, and stands next to Changmin. Shoulder to shoulder, they're juxtaposed in the mirror. Time stands still for a moment, caught in the blue hour. </p><p>Juyeon wonders, sometimes, if Changmin's heartbeat runs faster than his, because of his size. <em>Smaller animals have more energy. </em></p><p>Changmin kicks him when he voices this particular thought. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It's a curiosity. </p><p>Juyeon is in the kitchen, filling his water bottle - running on empty after a gym session with Jaehyun and Eric. His hair is getting long; it's matted to the back of his neck with sweat. A fan whirs somewhere. </p><p>Changmin is sprawled across one of the couches, head resting on Chanhee's thighs, where shorts meet skin. His fingers reach up, playing with Chanhee's necklace. Chanhee is reading a list of delivery places off his phone - this, Juyeon can tell just from how Changmin finds a way to shut down every option. Inevitably, the dorms will soon resonate with some form of <em>Yah! Ji Changmin!</em></p><p> </p><p>He knows, of course. They all know, about Changmin and Chanhee. They may have been subtle but when you spend most of your work and home life with the same eleven people, things like that come out quickly. It's easy to realize, and better not to let rumours fester. </p><p>
  <em>Changmin had pulled Chanhee by the arm into the living room, unabashedly announcing, "Chanhee kissed me yesterday." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chanhee groaned, hiding behind long sleeves, "Why'd you have to say it like that?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"They don't want to know the rest of it." The pillow behind Juyeon had been tugged away and promptly launched at Changmin's head, followed by Kevin screaming, "Too much information!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sangyeon had simply sighed, then nodded. Jacob had awkwardly told them to be careful in public, and to be safe, which had left the whole room various shades of red. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We're not dating or anything," Chanhee had said, "It just kind of happened and I don't want it to affect the group." </em>
</p><p>Though well-intended, of course it had affected the group. It was too easy to be hyperaware of them, both having presences that were impossible to ignore. Juyeon made an effort to seek out Changmin or Chanhee independently; any time they were together, he couldn't help but feel like a third wheel. Like he had walked into a room after the punchline had been told.</p><p> </p><p>"Changmin! Stop being so fucking picky!" </p><p>Juyeon laughs from the kitchen, chiming in, "Pick something or starve, Changmin-ah!" </p><p>He finds himself watching casually as he hunts down a snack no one will mind him taking. Observing them, categorizing them. Trying to fit them in boxes and organize his stereotypes. Of course, it doesn't work. They aren't stereotypes; <em>people</em> aren't stereotypes. It's been so long, yet every day he learns something new and unexpected about all of his friends. And despite everything, every new learning fits so well. Nothing fully shifts his perspective on a member, just expands it. Not learning that Changmin and Chanhee were casual, not learning that their resident ray-of-sunshine Haknyeon had run away from home once, not learning that Younghoon had a penchant for holding grudges - hell, not even Hyunjun, who as a trainee had been the most dedicated and motivated to making it as an idol, telling them he'd be leaving the company because his injury had become unbearable. None of it had truly changed his view of any of them. In lulled moments like these, Juyeon took to thinking about how he loved these people, how <em>much</em> they were - how people could be so many things and always themselves. </p><p>It's a certain curiosity. He can't help being awestruck at how human it is, to have all their pieces fit together without collapsing. How Changmin and Chanhee could be with each other and still be themselves, without changing. </p><p>Both so soft and so jagged. Rough around the edges. Not incompletion but ever-changing. </p><p>His mind wanders back to his realization the other night. Except this time, the thought escalates.</p><p> </p><p>Juyeon isn't completely unfamiliar with sex, of course. He knows the jist of things, how to be safe, porn isn't a primary source, etc, etc. He knows he'd be good at it, if the opportunity presented itself or if he cared to pursue it. If he could interact with anybody out of the group without Dispatch stalking him, then maybe he'd find out whether <strike>God made him this hot for a reason</strike> dancing abilities really do correlate to sex, like Sunwoo theorized once, leaving Chanhee stammering and red as he threw a plastic fork at the younger man. The others concur with the theory, graciously feeding Juyeon's own ego on rare occasions that the topic gets brought up; rare simply because half the members are banging each other and Juyeon would rather die than find out what happens past curfew in Jaehyun's room. </p><p>In spite of this duality - or maybe because of it - he asks himself genuinely, analytically - <em>What would Changmin be like in bed? </em></p><p>Perhaps controlling - he's always good at commandeering a room. Demanding? Changmin's standards are the highest when it comes to choreography - would it translate? Cute? The others say Changmin is terrifying, and Juyeon does agree - he himself refuses to watch horror movies with Changmin no matter how much he gets called a coward. But who could be scared of such a small face? Such adorable dimples? Realistically, if Changmin came at him with a knife, Juyeon could easily outrun him or simply pick him up and dangle him upside down off the balcony. Or, y'know, push another member in front of him. Collateral damage, really. Changmin is strong, persistent, but Juyeon is certain he can be tamed. So would Changmin be a tease? Would he beg? Would he lose control? Juyeon can almost imagine it now, patching together memories of Changmin panting hard after a performance, Changmin half-dressed in a hotel bed. Changmin, standing tall above him after practice, pulling him up - the corner of his mouth lifting, all but reminding that he's lost this one-sided endurance contest today.</p><p> </p><p>Chanhee's voice derails his perverse train of thoughts, "Juyeon-ie, do you want anything? We're ordering dinner." </p><p>Juyeon's attention snaps back to the couch - Changmin is sitting up now, shoulder to shoulder with Chanhee. Like this, they're the same height. Sharp eyes stare innocuously back at him. </p><p>Somehow, Changmin makes Chanhee look delicate. </p><p>Juyeon shakes his head in response, raising the bowl of dry cereal he decided Jacob could part with.</p><p> </p><p><em>What does that mean</em>, Juyeon thinks, <em>to be delicate? </em></p><p>It's just a curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It's not actually one-sided, this game of his. </p><p>Slowly but surely, Changmin starts to realize. During practice, he pushes his hair back, eyes lingering for just a moment too long. There's a devilish glint every time he pulls Juyeon up, off the floor, each time more forceful, landing them closer and closer together. Hands firm, intentional, on skin. Perhaps it's just the heat but sleeves get rolled up. The kettle is boiling, the gamepieces set. Now all that's left is the play, checkmate.</p><p> </p><p>They're watching a movie, him and Changmin lying on one couch, Younghoon and Chanhee huddled together on the other - both clearly pretending they don't want to spoon. Even though it's a thriller film, Changmin is half-asleep - exhausted from an independent schedule earlier - scrolling mindlessly through Twitter while Younghoon compartmentalizes by ranting at every stupid choice the characters onscreen make. </p><p>Miraculously, Juyeon manages to focus mostly on the screen and not entirely on Changmin's cheek against his sternum or Changmin's bony hip against his thigh or Changmin's arm tucked by his side, fingers clutching fabric. He easily joins Chanhee in yelling at Younghoon to shut up whenever the film soundtrack gets tense.</p><p>"Juyeon-ie, look. Do you remember this?" </p><p>"Oh yeah." It's a video of them dancing to IU's Bbibbi and Chungha's Gotta Go - a clip from one of their earlier shows. Juyeon is struck once again by how different they appear next to each other. "We should do a new cover together." </p><p>Changmin nods. The video loops, and Juyeon notices the caption - "duality kings."</p><p>Duality. It's a word he sees their fans use a lot. And he gets it, he does. It makes sense to categorize like that. But it's not accurate, he's certain now. He doesn't feel like he has two sides, or that Changmin or Chanhee or Younghoon or any of the others do. He just feels like himself. Sure, he acts it up for the cameras. But at the end of the day, he's no one but himself. It's a strange and new feeling to him, to wonder how strangers perceive him and twist him.</p><p> </p><p>"What's your schedule tomorrow?" Changmin murmurs. </p><p>"I'm free," He brings a hand up, ruffling the younger man's hair, and smiles, "But maybe you should rest tomorrow, <em>baby</em>." </p><p>Younghoon chokes down a laugh, "Someone has a death wish," to which Chanhee nods, wrapping an arm around the other, warning Juyeon that he'll wake up with bite marks. </p><p>"Changmin-ah, we'll do it some other time." </p><p>"Noooo," Changmin whines, nuzzling sleepily into Juyeon's neck, where Juyeon is certain his pulse is audibly fast. "Tomorrow." </p><p>"Hah. You really do think your stamina is better than mine." </p><p>Even tired, Changmin is quick-witted, "Of course, Juyeon-ssi. My stamina could run laps around your stamina." </p><p>"I really doubt it." Juyeon retorts, "Look how tired you are right now. Do you want me to carry you to bed?" </p><p>Younghoon scoffs, Chanhee laughing in his arms, "You did nothing but go for a run today." </p><p>"I'm fine after my independent shoots. Changmin's dead." </p><p>Changmin is, in fact, not dead, because he takes the chance to bite Juyeon's clavicle. He can't help the yelp that sounds, though it's certainly a hit on his ego. </p><p>"Bite all you want, <em>baby</em>." Juyeon lies, bringing his free hand to the stinging mark. "That doesn't make you right."</p><p> </p><p>Changmin sits up, weight shifting across Juyeon's hips. Playfully, he hits Juyeon's side and Juyeon catches him by the wrist. There's a tangible moment of tension, as they both realize the position they're currently in - Changmin half-straddled. Perhaps unintentionally, his fingers tuck under Juyeon's shirt running along soft ridges. Juyeon's mouth dries as Changmin's eyes glance downwards and he bites his bottom lip. Almost suggestively, he <em>sighs</em>, "I think we should find out. Let's-" </p><p>"Well, <em>I</em> think you two should just make out already. Let me watch the damn movie." Chanhee rolls his eyes. Younghoon agrees, telling them to stop flirting for 5 seconds. The hypocrisy! As if Younghoon hadn't been playing absentmindedly with Chanhee's hair for the past ten minutes.</p><p>Petty, Juyeon throws Younghoon's line right back at them, and the entire room goes to chaos. The kettle begins to whistle. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Boiling over, Juyeon kisses him one night. The night their promotions end, they have a small celebration to honor a successful comeback. Their managers bring in drinks after the liveshow is turned off and the company speakers blast the album until they're all sick of hearing it, which happens pretty quickly because Haknyeon and Eric won't stop screaming the chorus. </p><p>Juyeon escapes with Changmin to one of the practice rooms, and kisses him breathless, filled with inebriated confidence. His shoulders hit the mirror - Changmin pushing against him so tight. Almost out of body, Juyeon grabs at the underside of Changmin's thigh, raising it to his own hip. The younger man reciprocates, wrapping strong arms around and pulling, pulling as if climbing, and Juyeon almost dies on the spot when he lifts Changmin up. </p><p>He's so <em>small</em>. Though their actual height difference is only a few centimeters, his frame is so light. It's so easy to misjudge him. Perhaps strangers look at him and wonder how easily he might break. But Juyeon knows better. Changmin is so strong, in every way possible. It drives him crazy, how easily he'd let Changmin ruin him. </p><p>How easily he'd give himself up.</p><p> </p><p>It's a phone call that interrupts them. Changmin sighs, "Really?" </p><p>"I'm not putting you down," Juyeon says, even though he knows it's his phone. He leans against the mirror so Changmin can pull back without toppling over. "Right pocket." </p><p>"Hello?" Changmin answers, "I think it's for you."</p><p>Juyeon rolls his eyes. Changmin puts the phone to his ear. </p><p>"Sangyeon wants to know where you guys are." Jaehyun says, pointblank. </p><p>"Practice room." Juyeon almost screams as Changmin pulls a sleeve back, exposing Juyeon's collarbone. "We're - uh - trying to film a Tik Tok." </p><p>Changmin howls with laughter and the phone slips. In a haste, Juyeon lets go of Changmin's thigh to catch it and they come crashing down. "Fuck! Changmin, what the fuck!" </p><p>"What- What happened?" </p><p>"He- he bit me." Juyeon swallows as Changmin sits in his lap. "Oh god. No, <em>don't</em>-" </p><p>"What time will you guys be done? Sangyeon wants to do that reflection thing." </p><p>"Not sure," Juyeon runs his hand up Changmin's arm. "We were gonna stay a while." </p><p>Changmin is dangerous, fiddling with the zip on Juyeon's jeans as he yells, "Start without us!" </p><p>"Yeah, start without us." Juyeon's resolve crumbles and he hangs up before Jaehyun can say anything else.</p><p>"How long until they chase us down?" </p><p>"Who knows?" Juyeon says, impatiently shoving a hand down Changmin's sweatpants. Leaning in, he laughs, heart racing as Changmin lets out a sharp noise, "Who fucking cares?"</p><p> </p><p>It's messy, too hot, too tight, too <em>fast</em>. Gasping into each other's collars with half-entwined fingers pumping each other in sync, slick with spit because there's no time. Within minutes, Juyeon is spilling, spilling, spilling over Changmin's thin fingers, moaning out the other's name and internally cursing his inexperience, because that's obviously why Changmin outlasted him. </p><p>Ji Changmin, like a dove. Floating. Feather-light, they're both weightless. Ghosting breaths along his collar, <em>Juyeon, Juyeon, Juyeon, please.</em> Changmin is hot, heavy in his palm, and what can Juyeon do but give him what he's so desperate for. Still post-orgasm hazy, Juyeon mouths at Changmin's jaw, thick fingers dragging over veins, slick with saliva and pre-cum. Gentle, Juyeon bites down. He's kinder than Changmin would have been. </p><p>It's not fair. It's simply not fair, the way his name sounds when Changmin comes. Nor the way Changmin's small frame tenses, shudders against him. And especially not the gorgeous, fucked-out look Changmin has when they're finally able to make eye contact. </p><p>Ji Changmin, who evidently can't even pretend to play fair. So of course, he brings his clean hand up, cups Juyeon's face and kisses him again, tenderly. On the cheekbone, on the nose. On swollen lips. With swollen lips. Again and again.</p><p> </p><p>It's only a few minutes after they're done cleaning up that Eric and Sunwoo burst into the room. For good measure, they had decided to actually try recording some videos from choregraphies they already had memorized. But <em>someone</em> had been getting too handsy, too flirtatious to put online. </p><p>"Really? You made us all wait so you could film a Tik Tok?" </p><p>"Yup," Changmin smiles, "And they didn't even turn out well. We'll have to try again later." </p><p>This, he realizes a moment too late, this is a proposition. Changmin's words have successfully emptied every rational thought from his brain. There's nothing left but the word <em>later</em>, letters rattling like coins, bouncing around his head like a game of pinball. <em>Clink, clink. Clang! </em>Lee Juyeon cannot come to the phone right now.</p><p>The walk back to the dorms barely registers and Juyeon spends their entire reflection talk staring at the wall, thinking, <em>later, later, later.</em></p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The dorms are as empty as it gets these days - a third of the members visiting family or friends, another third out to dinner. He knows <em>something</em> will happen tonight. </p><p>What he doesn't expect is to return from the shower, half-dressed, towel slung over his bare shoulders, and see Changmin splayed out on his own bed. </p><p>His hair is getting long too, framing his face as he stares at his phone. One hand is on his belly, exposed slightly under a pink sweater that's far too big to be anything but stolen. His pajama shorts are bright yellow, patterned with something Juyeon can't make out from here, tight against muscled legs. </p><p>Juyeon doesn't stand a chance. His last ounce of self-control leaves him hesitating to step forward, but he has nowhere else to go because of course Changmin had to confront him <em>in his bed</em>. The bed in which he sleeps. His darling bed, which will now be permanently reminiscent of a pre-coital Ji Changmin.</p><p>"Yah. Lee Juyeon." </p><p>Trying not to fumble, Juyeon hangs his towel up, on the hook on the back of the door, next to his mirror. Glancing at his reflection, cheeks reddening already, and Changmin watching him. He laughs, half at his own nerves, and sits next to Changmin. Changmin's head raises, coming to a rest on his thigh. Soft brown hair, feathering out over the deep navy blue of Juyeon's boxers. </p><p>Juyeon brings a hand down, against Changmin's cheek. It's soft, impossibly soft, against the rough of his own knuckles. Then he lies down, their shoulders touching. Changmin sets his phone to the side, looping a leg over him while Juyeon turns to face him. Their hands meet in the middle, palm to palm, hesitant too, before Changmin laces his slender fingers between Juyeon's larger ones. Once again, Juyeon finds himself staring.</p><p>"Hi," Juyeon manages, idle screensaver disengaging.</p><p>"Hi," Changmin responds with a wide smile.</p><p>Changmin pulls him closer, settling an arm around as Juyeon does the same. The fabric of Changmin's sweater is well-worn, pilling against his bare skin. Clutching handfuls of it, Juyeon kisses his forehead. Changmin's knee presses insistently to his side, and Juyeon heeds the warning, holding Changmin close as he pushes him onto his back. Changmin's leg wraps around his hip, his back, and his hands run through damp hair. </p><p>It's nice for a few minutes, to just have a body underneath him. To push and pull, to grasp and hold. To lose himself in the points where they connect, where his tongue grazes Changmin's jaw, where Changmin's nails indent his skin. But soon, it's not enough for him, or Changmin either. They fall off beat, out of sync, both moving too fast and too slow. It's getting harder to ignore Changmin's boner, flush against his own. Reminding him of what he wants. Reigning himself back, Juyeon supports himself with just one arm, the other covering his face, shy. </p><p>Face buried into his arm, words muffled together, "Iwantyoutofuckme." </p><p>"Huh?" </p><p>Nearly losing balance, he has to bring his hand down. One on either side of Changmin. It's then that he notices, hair damp over his eyes, how red-faced Changmin is. </p><p>"You heard me the first time!" </p><p>Changmin smiles, dimples showing, "I did." </p><p>"Changmin-ah," he whines, noticing now how Changmin fidgets with his waistband. Half-lidded, he repeats himself, "<em>I want you to fuck me.</em>" And perhaps an act of masochism, he adds a gamble, "Bet I can get you to come first."</p><p> </p><p>It's a whirlwind from there - Changmin nodding, half-shy, half-offended, Juyeon's own hands reaching out, pulling Changmin's pink sweater off before opening the drawer in the nightstand to grab lube and condoms. Greeting him with a good, long kiss. Changmin settles to the side and Juyeon sits up on his knees, back to the headboard. Greedy, eager hands run up his own thighs. Changmin's shorts - he can see now, they're speckled with some gaudy flower print, an opinion that he immediately regrets vocalizing because Changmin is too damn loud, demanding <em>then take them off me</em> - are discarded along with his own boxers. The grip on his hips is bruise-inducing tight as he uncaps the bottle, slippery across his fingers. </p><p>Awkwardly, he reaches behind himself, starting gently. </p><p>"Ah," He says, sharply. Changmin's gaze is too intense, so Juyeon evens the playing field. "Changmin-ah," He smirks, "Changmin, you're so cute."</p><p>Barely balanced on his knees, his free arm wraps over Changmin's shoulder and pulls the younger man in closer. For the first time, Changmin breaks, looking away. His fingers strum, nervous on Juyeon's knees. Unfamiliar as it all is, Juyeon gains confidence in how Changmin's cock has filled out. </p><p>"Watch me," He demands, pushing him away, "Don't take your eyes off me." And he removes his finger, brings their hips closer and leans back onto the pillow, long legs raising and parting over Changmin's thighs. Feeling brave, he lubes up two fingers and starts again. </p><p>The back of his wrist bumps against Changmin's cock, every time he moves. It takes far too much to stay slow, teasing Changmin, instead of quickly finding the best spots like he usually does, on those rare occasions when he actually has time to get off this way instead of just quickly jerking off in the shower. Every now and then, he can't help but crook his fingers slightly, hitting his prostate, mouth going agape with a moan and vision blurring for a moment. Smirking as Changmin swears.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he works himself open, staring the other down through fluttering lashes, steadying his voice and keeping his body steady so as to pretend he's not playing a losing game. Sometime after Changmin, dark-eyed as he rolls down the condom, tells him to add a third finger, his mind starts to wander back to that concept of duality. </p><p>Is this what people expect of him? What does Changmin expect him to do? What does Changmin <em>want</em> him to do? To fuck himself silly? To play it up? To play strong or hard to get? To crumble and beg? He himself wants everything. But it feels odd, both the thought of giving in completely and the thought of taking complete control. After all, their dynamic has always been fluid, a balancing act. Equilibrium. </p><p>After all, Changmin is just as bold as he is. Just as forceful. Just as tender.</p><p>Just as eager, in this instant - head tilted slightly, eyes wide and shining. His fingers clutch the bedsheets, waiting. </p><p>Juyeon nods to himself, pulling his fingers out and readying himself as one of Changmin's arms frames him, grazing his ribs. The other hand steadies his cock, as he starts pushing in. </p><p>Once past the initial resistance, they gasp, sigh, together. By the time Changmin's fully sheathed, Juyeon's fingertips have gone white from gripping the railing of the bed. The praise rolls over him, <em>so good you're doing so good baby</em>, and for a few moments, Changmin's voice is all that keeps him grounded. </p><p>"God," Juyeon manages, bringing his hands up to cover his temples. The stretch is uncomfortable, walking the line between pain and pleasure. "Fuck." He says, as Changmin bottoms out. "You can move. I'll get used to it." </p><p>Changmin is careful, reading every line of Juyeon's body as he starts to move. It's a steady, slow-going. His cock pushes, heavy past sensitive spots but too slow to build up - pleasure fizzling out. Juyeon finds himself impatient, annoyed. Changmin should know him better by now. </p><p>"Changmin-ah. I'm not delicate," Juyeon muses aloud, "You won't break me." </p><p>"I don't want to break you," Changmin's voice is confident, laced with a genuine sweetness, "I want to make you feel good." </p><p>"Yeah?" Juyeon laughs, running a hand across Changmin's stomach, where skin creases over his tightened core. A thought runs across his mind, threatening to cross a line. He swallows it down. "Maybe I want you to break me?" </p><p>"I can do both." </p><p>"Would you say," Juyeon says with a glint in his eyes, "You're versatile?" </p><p>"Oh my god," Changmin groans, "I no longer want to have sex with you." </p><p>"Hmm. Maybe you should tell your dick that." Juyeon says, anchoring his legs and pushing, rolling his hips up. Changmin gasps. "Ji Changmin," Juyeon says, sharply. "You know me, baby." </p><p>Changmin sighs, contemplative. Juyeon decides, impatient, to cross the line. It's the masochism again, the curiosity. What is Changmin capable of, if Juyeon can get him to be less soft - angry.</p><p>"You fuck Chanhee like this? Nice and pretty and careful?" </p><p>"<em>No</em>," Changmin says, almost a growl. He shifts, finally giving in, forcing a loud moan loose from Juyeon's lips as he pulls back and thrusts back in harshly. "I'm much meaner to him." </p><p>Juyeon hums, steadying himself as Changmin finally picks up the pace - hips powerful, waist flexible, he moves excitedly, givingly. Juyeon takes with an equal rhythm. His fingers splay, a single palm spanning most of Changmin's abdomen.</p><p>"You- Chanhee-" Juyeon stammers, forgetting his words as Changmin gives a particularly well-aimed thrust. He doesn't want to ask but he wants to know. Changmin reads him, loud and clear. </p><p>"Oh. Would it make you happy? If I told you?" Changmin pauses, tilts his head, his dimple wreaking havoc on Juyeon's pulse. "Would it turn you on?" </p><p>
  <em>Yes. </em>
</p><p>"No." </p><p>"Lee Juyeon. Don't lie." </p><p>"Whatever. Hurry up and move." </p><p>"Juyeon-ah~" Changmin chimes. Devilish, his hands run up Juyeon's abdomen, up his chest, landing with purpose on his pectoral. Juyeon has to hold in a gasp as Changmin's fingers brush past a nipple, sensitive. "My heart is beating like this too." </p><p> </p><p>It's so like Changmin, to say something so tender to ease the tense atmosphere. It's an offer to slow down, an admission of equal vulnerability and equal desire. Give and take. Juyeon lets out a deep sigh, resolving himself to be less stubborn. </p><p>Sitting up is a mistake - the stretch and shift of Changmin inside him shifts to almost painful, he's so sensitive. Changmin helps, lifting Juyeon by the waist until he's seated in his lap. His heartbeat pounds in his stomach. Looking down now, heavy across Changmin's strong thighs, Juyeon cups the other's face. Nose to nose, the desire to kiss him is impossible to resist. So he doesn't. Smiling, he peppers soft kisses across Changmin's lips, his cheeks - appled, rounded as the younger man lets out a godforsaken giggle. </p><p>"Changmin-" Juyeon manages through stolen breaths, "Everything you do these days turns me on. Seriously." Changmin smiles against his lips. </p><p>Changmin nods, bringing his hands down to Juyeon's hips, lifting him up - the memo is loud and clear, and Juyeon lifts up as much as he can without Changmin's dick slipping out. When he slams down, they both groan. Slowly, he lifts up again - less intense this time and the next - it is, after all, their ultimate contest of stamina, and he sure doesn't plan to wear himself out before Changmin does. They find their rhythm, Changmin's fingers bruising soft skin, Juyeon's arms wrapped tight around shoulders, pleasure spiking every now and then when Changmin thrusts up and meets him halfway. Ghosting words against each other's skin like making mistakes, lips brushing lips and throats and jaws. Once again, Juyeon relishes in how his name sounds paired with Changmin swearing; usually rare from Changmin's delicate mouth, now spilling over in chains of <em>oh fuck, God, fuck, that's good</em>, as he rolls his hips on the downswing. Ego inflating, he pushes Changmin down, knees on either side. Pulling himself up and slamming down, moaning sharper than expected. Changmin's hands support his aching thighs, riding. He's certain the others can hear them, whether it's the bed creaking, or the lewd sound of skin on skin, or just their voices, wrung out with lust. It's hard to care when he's so, <em>so</em> high on the drag of Changmin's cock inside him, on the praise ringing out under him, on the heat building up as his own cock bounces against his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>Changmin's head rolls back, letting out a loud, delicious moan of his name. Juyeon catches his eyes open, staring back at the closed door, followed by a tangible moment of hesitation. Then he's off rhythm again, pulling Juyeon to a stop for a reason that becomes apparent only after Changmin pulls out and sits up. A wave of embarrassment rolls over him; he can't help cover his eyes, whining. Changmin actually laughs next to him, shifting so he's behind Juyeon. Between his fingers, Juyeon sees Changmin mouthing at his jaw, running a hand across his abs, his ribs. </p><p>The<em> mirror.</em> </p><p>It leaves Juyeon feeling strange, vulnerable. Looking at himself, flushed and fucked. Changmin, the same. He has to look away. </p><p>Strong, Changmin sits and pulls him onto his lap again. Briefly, he's pushing between thighs, then aligning himself. Juyeon's eyes squeeze shut, hands coming down to grasp the sheets as Changmin settles under him. Bracing for impact. </p><p>"Juyeon-ah. Open your eyes." Changmin's voice runs hot on Juyeon's bare shoulder. </p><p>"No." </p><p>"Please?" Changmin whines, "Look at yourself." </p><p>Changmin brings a hand up, running his fingers across Juyeon's lips - coaxing them open. Gentle, he bites down. Changmin sighs, breath warm on his back. </p><p>"Juyeon-ie, you look perfect like this. So fucking <em>good</em>." </p><p> </p><p>When he opens his eyes, it's overwhelmingly hot. The vanity, the intimacy. A moment frozen in place, his own expression almost unrecognizable - submissive. Delicate. A strange thought comes to mind - probably only Changmin could make him this way. </p><p>It's their connections - where Changmin ends and he begins. Hard, buried, stalling, his fingers likewise. It's the angry red marks they've left on each other, bruises already forming. It's the light from the window, making them glow, backlit. They're framed by moonlight, contrasted. </p><p>There's something fascinating in the way their bodies eclipse. Juyeon's limbs are long, overlapping. Changmin's strong, sinewy muscles against his own bulk, Changmin slender where he is broad. His tongue runs over Changmin's thin fingers, two digits deep now as his cheeks hollow. Choking, choking not from lack of oxygen but from the air wrapped tight around him, as if it's only him and Changmin, a binary solar system, finding each other, feeling each other, consuming each other until they burn out. As if that's all that matters in the world, it holds him. A new type of gravitational pull - the pull of human purpose. </p><p>He wants to be greedy. To take all Changmin will give. He says this aloud, and is immediately rewarded with a kiss on his shoulder. </p><p>"By the way," Changmin says, smiling almost adorably as he takes his fingers away and finally, <em>finally</em> takes Juyeon into his palm, thumb rough on the head of his cock. "This is how we usually fuck. Whether it's me or him." Juyeon hates this body for being so reactive, in that instant. It gives him away so easily. </p><p>"I'm not surprised," he says, timing his sentences between Changmin's strokes, "That you two like looking at yourselves when you fuck." Changmin laughs. "I think I'm more surprised that Chanhee can top you." </p><p>"Well, Juyeon-ie," Changmin says, "I didn't come in here expecting you to ride me. So I guess we're both full of surprises." </p><p>"Well, I- I," He stammers, watching in the mirror as Changmin pulls out. It's embarrassing, how much he already misses feeling full. "Fuck off." </p><p>Given his current crisis on the topic of expectations, Juyeon has no response that he truly believes in, so instead he turns his back on the mirror, towering over Changmin again. His hands are large as he strokes Changmin once, twice, before lining up again. </p><p> </p><p>He's close. But Changmin must be too, with the way his chest rises, the things he whispers. <em>Come on, fuck me, use me. </em></p><p>His next words ring out across the room, in one ear and out the other before they actually register, "Fuck yourself for me. I can't take this." </p><p>It's unbelievably lewd, those words from Changmin's pretty mouth and if his dick wasn't dripping hard right now, Juyeon might have been able to handle those words like the rational person he usually pretends he is. But in this instant, all it does is turn him on, give him confidence. </p><p>He forces himself to slow down, dragging each movement out; Changmin has to be close now, with how unfiltered he is - <em>look at you, so hard. So pretty for me. </em></p><p>It takes all his self-control and focus, to not pin Changmin down and fuck himself on his pretty cock, to take and take until he's dizzy. And even so, his restraint is slipping - he's close now, so he forces himself to slow down more. Changmin catches on pretty easily, making eye contact with an inquisitive tilt of the head before holding tight to Juyeon's waist, and slinging Juyeon's knee over the crook of his elbow. Juyeon's weight shifts, balanced on Changmin's arm, Changmin gambling on what must be his last bit of energy. <em>It must be</em>, Juyeon thinks, exasperated.</p><p> </p><p>And he's wrong. He's so wrong. Ji Changmin is a vicious, unrelenting creature. The instant that Changmin's teeth graze his neck again, nose against his jaw, Juyeon knows he's fucked. He won't last another minute, let alone outlast Changmin.</p><p>And he says so, in gasps, in laughter, in defeated sighs, in <em>pleads</em>, that he's close. <em>Oh, </em>please<em>. Please. Please. Please. </em>He can barely recognize his own voice through the desperation. <em>Please, Changmin-ah. Fuck me. </em></p><p>Changmin's laughter is soft, vibrating against Juyeon's neck, eventually giving way to a deep groan as he jolts his hips up and up and up. Juyeon knows that Changmin knows, from feeling the way he moves off beat, how close he is. Once again, Juyeon lets himself be taken over, leaving one arm strong around Changmin and the other raised as he bites into his fist. </p><p>"No," Changmin whines, eyes shining. "Juyeon-ah, let me hear you."</p><p>Ji Changmin <em>is</em> terrifying, Juyeon realizes too late. Jacob and Eric are home, albeit retired to their rooms. The others could be home any minute. His door sure as hell isn't locked. But he swallows his stress, turning it into a confidence to match Changmin's, "They'll hear us." </p><p>Juyeon expects a challenge. He expects Changmin to tease him, to coax the reluctance out of him with a sharp voice and a soft hand stroking hard. This is what he expects Changmin's final play to be, his checkmate.</p><p>What he doesn't expect is for Changmin to pout, cock his head, and say, "Please?"</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>." He groans, "God, Changmin. I'm so fucking close." </p><p>"Come on then," Changmin says, arm shaking as he fucks upwards, "Come for me." </p><p>His arm gives out in that moment, Juyeon freed of his hold, but it doesn't matter anymore.</p><p>He's liquid gold. </p><p>His orgasm rips through him, arching his back. With little to no control left, it's all Juyeon can do to throw his head back and lose, voice roughed, straining, while Changmin mouths continuously at his neck. The words, meaningless strings of Changmin's name and expletives of choice are loud. <em>Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm coming. Changmin</em>, as he streaks white across Changmin's ribs, his chest.</p><p>Changmin follows close behind, over the edge as the room stops spinning for Juyeon, nails dragging down the length of his back as he bursts hot. Moaning out Juyeon's name, louder than the heartbeat banging in Juyeon's eardrums. Gasping, lusty, Juyeon muses aloud that he almost wishes they hadn't used a condom. Wishes he could feel Changmin spill inside him. And it's true; part of him wants to see himself, pretty and messy, but he knows that's a desire to keep filed away for later. </p><p>Changmin's body sinks under him, stammering, as he pulls out, <em>Oh my fucking god, Lee Juyeon. You're killing me. </em></p><p> </p><p>*** </p><p> </p><p>After they've showered, Juyeon pulls Changmin back to his bed, collapsing onto it. Changmin crash-lands, bony-limbed on top of him. They fall asleep with ease, Juyeon half-blanketed over Changmin, eclipsing him once again. Changmin's fingers run through damp hair. </p><p>When he wakes up, sore, his gaze shifts to the man next to him, soft, shifting, strong. So human, of course, when you're down on earth. It's so human, for them to be so many different things and always themselves. Whether they're wrapped up in each other or other people, there are so many sides to them both and none is more true or more false than the others. </p><p>And finally, <em>finally</em>, the heat settles, seeps like honey into all the cracks of his mindmap of Ji Changmin, and it clicks for Lee Juyeon that he doesn't care all that much for duality.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was way nastier *coughsubbiercough* in my head but breaking dawn juyeon manifested in my home and said i think the fuck NOT. anyways, thx for reading i lov you!!</p><p> <a href="https://curiouscat.me/winkun_au">cc</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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